Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
