White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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