this beer tastes like vomit already
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
