I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
