what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
