You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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