All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
