I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
