Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
