You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
