what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Two words: blizzard sex
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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