Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
