You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
