we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
