Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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