Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My vagina is very pro this idea
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize