whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
