i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
