let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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