if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
