her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
