oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
