I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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