omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
