And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
worst night to have a conscience
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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