dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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