I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
