bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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