That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
