Cold hands, warm shart.
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Randomize
