I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
