This is not my ceiling
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
