i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
