I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Randomize
