I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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