smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
