I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
