Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
