Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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