Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
