You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
