Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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