What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
