what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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