I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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