I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
