My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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