I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Found the puke drawer
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
