Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
