Just took my morning after pill in the library
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
this hospital has no fireball
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
