you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
In other news, I just burned my penis
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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