does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
