put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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