I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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