oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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