since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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