If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
