Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Boobs are out for the taking
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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