can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
