so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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