I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
