I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Mom said you looked used
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
