well you can't waste a boner
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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