I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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