the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
