If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
