I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
