Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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