all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
