I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
