this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
did i just pee glitter
A bitchslap is in order.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize