PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
